I'm not dumb enough to date in this generation

January 5, 2018

 

Until chivalry, respect and a little thing called actual effort comes back in style, yeah issa no for me.

 

Welcome to the generation where a Netflix and chill invitation is a sad excuse of courting a woman. The generation where sliding in your dm's is replaced with actually asking a woman on a date or my personal favorite a #WCW is a man's form of a romantic grand gesture.

 

Let's face it, dating in this generation has changed drastically from previous ones and it's just plain sad to see what has become of it. We've given up on romance, we're calling anything love these days, and we’re seeking potential life partners by swiping left or right on dating apps. Dating has not only become extremely superficial but the lack of genuine effort has made all parties involved just plain lazy. You have to have a high tolerance level alongside patience to entertain it, and unfortunately I’m all out of both.

 

What happen to the days when men actually took pride in courting and pursuing a woman? The whole chase to get her ? The love our grandparents once had ? Is that not a thing anymore ? You know, the dates, the phone calls, actually spending time together to get to know one another ? The basics.

 

Call me high maintenance but a “you up? ” text after a barrage of likes on my Instagram pictures is not my definition of romance.

Although everything has gone digital these days, once upon a time people actually got to know one another outside of their social media profiles. They spent the quality time necessary to gain personal info and share experiences with one another and didn’t depend on a snapchat story to receive further information about their potential partner. Those were during the good old days when we engaged in actual communication.

 

Fast forward to 2018, and here we are.

 

Now I'm a proud millennial and will tell anyone who'd listen about how great we all are. We're innovators, dreamers and a generation with open minded and optimistic views never seen before; but when it comes to dating and love, we could learn a thing or two from our ancestors.

 

Back in the day, dating was viewed as a right of passage to many. For young girls, it was a sign of becoming a woman and potentially finding a spouse. It was something you looked forward to, and something you could bond about as women. From the all night phone calls, the butterflies when he'll pick you up for a date and most importantly bragging about it to your girlfriends the day after, it was an experience. But look at us now, women with more complaints than compliments.

 

And what about our men ? In previous generations, for young boys dating meant that you were a man ! It was a coming of age moment, a moment to anticipate. It meant something to find a nice girl, court her and ultimately claim her as your own. But this “situation-ship” era wouldn’t understand that.

 

I wonder what it is about our generation that has made love such a task these days. We excel in all other parts of life, but when it comes to love, romance and relationships, we don't have a clue. Millennials are depending on instagram quotes and celebrity couples as life goals and becoming completely blindsided by reality. What happened ?!?!

 

I blame the men !

 

Yeah I said it !

 

But before you go labeling me a man basher, hear me out ! I personally believe that the men of this generation have just gotten lazy. Simple tasks to show you care for a woman or that you are interested which were done in previous times have become archaic. They do the bare minimum and somehow still achieve maximum results. This entire idea of courting and dating a woman is almost nonexistent. It takes entirely too much effort, and based off this generation's current dating paradigm, men really don’t have to do to much to woo a woman anyway; so why would they ? The cute occasional texts alongside sporadic compliments have done them just fine, and have gotten them much further, so why would complete effort in pursuing a woman even be necessary ?

In all honesty, I can’t even fault them for this way of thinking either.

 

Yeah I said that too !

 

But once again my sisters, hear me out ! A lot of women have gotten complacent when it comes to dating. They’re accepting anything as romance or love and not requiring more effort from the men that pursue them. Instead of holding them accountable for their actions or lack thereof, they're settling.  Constant texts instead of calls becomes fine and last minute dates instead of planned romantic ones become acceptable; and before you know it you realize you’ve accepted all the behavior traits you hate in a partner, and here you are...stuck. You end up with a lazy, unsentimental man, that you hardly even know and wonder how you got here ?

 

Trust me, we’ve all been there (myself included) but perpetuated behavior is exactly how you got there, in case you were wondering.

 

One of my favorite everyday mantras is “ You end up with, what you put up with” , a mantra I use in every aspect of my life. From your professional life or your love life the things you choose to allow and accept are the things you end up with in the long run.  If a man never takes you on dates but chooses to text you all day and night, and you make that acceptable, how can you fault him for continuing behavior you’ve allowed ? Or if you want more from your relationship but continue to accept the bare minimum he gives you, why would you expect anything else ?

 

Ladies, once a man knows he can feed you raisans, you’ll never eat lobster, and don’t let that go over your head.

 

 

By no means do I mean this pertaining to monetary value, but a man is going to treat you how you allow him to. If you accept the bare minimum, you’ll get the bare minimum and it’s as simple as that. If you require dates but accept netflix and chill invitations, who’s really to blame in this situation ?  

 

It’s important that we are all honest with ourselves and hold ourselves accountable for our own contributions in this dating era. While I was once dumb enough to accept things I knew I didn’t deserve and settle for less in relationships, I know better now, and because I know better, dating in this generation has changed drastically for me.

 

I don’t want to sound preachy or like a broken Steve Harvey record but I’m only speaking my truth. Many of the men I’ve encountered in this generation have gotten lazy, and don’t see the point in being that romantic guy who pursues a woman. Some find it to be unnecessary, especially if she allows him to believe that.

As for the women, many so desperate to find love, they end up accepting anything while on their search, and give off the impression that genuine effort isn’t required ...and it should always be.

 

As for this generation of daters, I still have hope that we’ll all figure it out and realize that an Instagram quote might not be the go to guru in solving all your relationship troubles but instead holding ourselves accountable and putting the necessary work in just might change things for the better.


 

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